After Losing Something Not Important

I realized I lost a membership this morning because I forgot to check the latest requirement of active subscription and my account is cancelled because of inactiveness.

The face value of this account is CNY 299, which is about CAD 60.

This is not a big amount. Given the cost of reopening this account, I can reopen it at any time without causing me any financial impact.

However, I felt bad. I blamed myself for being careless. I blamed myself for not fully utilizing the value of this account. In summary, I feel very bad of losing this thing that I know is not a critical thing in my life.

Do I have replacement of this account?

Yes, and I have about 20 other accounts that serve the same purpose.

Is there anything that only this lost account can do but not other accounts?

Maybe. But after some searches I found that there are public reverse proxies that you can use for free which might also do the trick. I bookmarked this message in Telegram.

Does this loss define anything about who I am?

No.

Will this loss matter in a week, a month, or a year?

Not at all. Given the many replacements I have, I am totally fine with moving forward without this account.

Why am I writing this post?

Because I feel like it. I am trying to test if writing down things would be helpful for getting rid of “bad” memory. As a metaphor, it feels like creating a box, and putting this piece of memory into the box, locking the box up, and putting the box aside. I know the slice of memory would be there, but I intentionally locked it up and put it aside, so that it's not in my working memory anymore, and I can move on.

Summary

• I see this loss as a learning opportunity.
  • Learning to observe my emotion.
  • Learning to write down my emotion and move on.
  • Learning to rationally analyze and convince myself that all is well.
  • A chance that I can start adopting good habits, like writing posts, meditation, etc.
• I hope that this post serves the purpose of bookkeeping this incident, and the incident quickly fades away in my working memory so that I can move on.